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All is well for your toddler with a calm and patience in your head.
After writing my previous post in Coping with your child tantrums, I felt I need to elaborate the “Terrible Twos”.
What is “The Terrible Twos?”
We don’t expect it, we didn’t realize it until your child is turning two years old and beyond. Terrible Two basically means the two years of your child from birth giving you headaches particularly, the dreaded “tantrums”. Hopefully, your child will overcome this stage at age 3 or 4.
They say that the most important thing to bear in mind when you are facing tantrums is simple and crucial. Keep cool.
Never complicate the problem with your own frustration. Toddlers, who happens to be a fast learner deep inside can sense when parents are becoming frustrated.
This can make your child’s frustration even worse, thus exaggerating tantrum on your hands. Simple advice all over the place? Take deep breaths and try to think clearly.
As parents, you are you’re child’s first example. Hitting and spanking doesn’t help, physical ways and tactics, physical punishment only teaches your child that using force is “Okay”. Instead, learn to have self-control for yourself and your child will eventually follow.
Like me, try to learn good parenting from books, online pediatric/parenting guide or from the veterans. However, sometimes I don’t resort to veterans (grandparents, neighbor with tons of kids) as they have different approach, ideas, ways and sometimes no ways at all. Be observant.
In a situation wherein the tantrums stems from a child’s being refused something, you must know that toddlers have fairly rudimentary reasoning skills, you aren’t likely to get far with explanations. Again, ignore the outburst is one way to hadle it if can’t cope with it using diversion of attention. If the tantrum poses no threat to your kid, to you or others (if in a public place). Just continue your activities, paying no attention to your child’s tantrum but keep in mind also that you have the sight range of your kid. Don’t leave your little one alone, this approach may make him/her feel abandoned on top of all of the uncontrollable emotions. Be sure to make it up when she calm down.
If you think about it, tantrums will not totally gone even school age. I know, I remember doing so 5 years below hahaha! When my parents didn’t buy me those toys I wanted when we go to the mall. So learn different approach to handle them, kids who are a little physical when in tantrum mode (e.g. roll over the floor, hitting is head, bumping his head, doing tornado disaster like throwing things off or hitting others). You should try to find a place where you can settle/calm him/her down. Stay in the room and let them feel that parents should have control, never give in.
Do not reward your child after a tantrum by giving in, this will only give them que/clues and will prove themselves that this little nasty technique/behavior is effective. Thus, will bring him/her to a different scenario called “spoiled child”. If you happen to regain control, verbally praise the child.
After all is well, reward your kid with a hug and reassurance that your child is loved.
The title of this article may sound to be a guide, but this is actually some ranting of a confused parent. Me, being a proud father of a 2 year old beautiful daughter also have my own ups and downs when dealing with “tantrums”.
While not all toddlers have this, I say you’re a bit lucky if your child doesn’t have this “emotional stage of a child” during his/her development.
As I am writing this article at this very moment, I’m reading an article from parenting.kaboose.com.
Tantrums said to be a normal during a toddlers development, it may come as early as 9 months of age and will go away at 3 to 4 years of age. Now, the very “nasty” part is “how to deal with your child’s tantrums”.
“Toddlers have tantrums because they want to become more independent. They want to do things like put on their clothes or feed themselves and they become frustrated with their limitations and the inability to communicate.”
This part quoted by Dr. Ravinder Khaira, a pediatrician at Sutter Health in Sacramento, California opened my mind. I become guilty, because I deal with tantrums and discipline my child with physical force like leather-belt-to-butt. I now realized that I am not dealing with tantrums but I joined my child with her own version of tantrums.
For the record, my child can communicate but not that well. She only have a few vocabulary to deploy. The part that “my toddler” is unable to communicate or reach or express herself, I know this but I neglect how to deal with it even I know how to.
The Game Plan
1.) Avoiding tantrums
Drop the weapons and stop dealing with your child as an enemy. Your toddler needs you. Besides, you have a child to complete a family to be happy in the first place. Right?
Well, my part is kinda hard. I got a wild-monkey-carefree like attitude for a toddler and never wore out of energy. I heard that my child has this hyper-blah-blah syndrome. So even I try to wore her out, it’ll take a lot of time and I mean, a lot! So pack yourself (me for that matter hehe) with lots of energy, time and attention to give her.
She’s just a child in the first place, a newbie in everything. Like what in the article said, he/she is just like a primitive man during the ice or even stone age. Unable to express and/or communicate.
2.) Tantrum Triggers
Ah yes, watch out for this. My child, Vanessa Jane seems to get upset lately if she watch “Bolt” wherein some parts of the scene involve talking. Just like in “Chicken Little” wherein Chicken Little talks to his father and all those conversation parts of the movie. She screams asking for the movie to be moved forward. I just laugh sometimes where she finishes the movie early because of too much fast forwarding.
“A doctor’s visit may induce fear”
I can’t stop to react on this and laugh, lately when my wife and I brought her to a doctor she kept crying and screaming like a going-to-be-butchered-piglet. Hahaha!
“Often times we as parents trigger tantrums by the things that we are doing or not doing and we don’t even know it,” says Erin Brown Conroy, author of 20 Secrets to Success with Your Child”
Yes, this happens and we can’t even touch the DVD player. Our daughter is the big boss of the house! Ha ha ha!
Often, when she watch a Dora the Explorer DVD and I find her “not really watching” and she’s preoccupied with something (toys, writing to a paper). She’ll goes rampage if I try to sneak out and change to my favorite Star Wars Collection. Sometimes I’ll deal with her and ask if we can watch Wall-E instead. I try to be diplomatic about it since it’s a bit in the middle he he he, space story for children. I even imitate how Wall-E pronounce his name, and ask her “Let’s watch Waaaaaall-E instead? ok?”
Waaaaaalll… E….
3.) When Tantrums Happen
The first part “ignore” is what I should do (I know this) but sometimes I revert to being angry when she’s too much. I guess I should just increase my patience. There was this one moment (actually its everytime) when we are in the grocery in SM Dasma where she goes wild if I insisted her to be inside the cart. There are many times that when I let her walk, one moment you are not looking “boom”, she’s gone. Many times we are worried because she’s missing. Oh well, I’ll just take it as a positive idea of getting a good excercise running around the grocery five times searching for her.
“There are those moments when your normally submissive sweetheart becomes a pint-sized terror. When those times occur, it’s important to put your own emotions in check before you try to help your toddler. Penny Glass, Ph.D., Director of the Child Development Program at the Children’s National Medical Center has counseled countless parents who come in to her clinic exasperated with their child’s behavior.“
Yeah, I’ll be checking my own attitude next time. Don’t look into her eyes! Don’t look into her eyes! hahaha! Ignore, ignore, ignore…
“Once a tantrum occurs the most effective way to deal with it is to ignore it,” says Dr. Glass. While your child is in the throes of emotion do not establish eye contact. You may want to put the child in her room or another safe location and let him stay there, under your supervision, until he’s approachable. When you feel your child is past the behavior, give him attention and eye contact. “By giving your child attention when he’s being good, he’s more likely to end his tantrum or have a less intense tantrum when you don’t give him attention during a tantrum.”
Well, I just pray that it won’t last more than 20 minutes. Ha ha ha!
For less severe tantrums, you might want to try distracting or redirecting your child’s focus on something else. If, for instance, he wants to hold the telephone, try to get him interested in a toy phone or a book.
Sometimes, the problem with too many toys she wants more than what’s available. She neglects/ignore her toys. Indeed a lot of patience is needed to be a parent.
Glass advises that you not dwell on the tantrum afterward, because that again draws attention to negative behavior. Instead, seek out opportunities to praise your child doing something good. “What the child generally wants is to be loved and liked. They enjoy finding ways to do that.”
Oh well, her smile indeed remove all that ruckus.
Tantrums at home are one thing, but tantrums in the middle of the library, grocery store, or another public place are quite another. Be consistent with your approach to your child’s tantrums at home. Glass refers to this as “practice” for your approach in a public place. If your child has a tantrum in public do what you would at home, even if that means leaving the store or a friend’s house.
Each expert stresses that you shouldn’t give in to your child’s demands while he’s in the throes of a tantrum. “If you give in, you’re setting up a scenario where the child thinks that he can get what he wants by having a tantrum. And that’s not the position you want to be in,” cautions Glass.
I noted this part, this is what I usually read on parenting sources. Never give in to your child’s tantrums, that’s why they always say don’t make eye contacts and ignore, ignore, ignore. My child knows by throwing her self into this wild-loud-crying girl, she knows eventually she’ll get what she wants.
Relax!There are days when you’ll be the perfect parent and days where parenthood is more a matter of survival. When those difficult days come, remember that parenting is a learning process for both you and your toddler. As you help your child deal with her emotions, you’ll be setting up a relationship and trust that will extend from the terrible twos into the tumultuous teens and beyond. As Jen Singer, mother of two and author of 14 Hours ‘Til Bedtime puts it, “Toddler tantrums are normal. They just don’t make a sticker for it in you child’s memory book.”
Keyword from this moment onwards? Relax, relax, relax, ignore, ignore, ignore…
But the last sentence in the article is a thing I will definitely do. I’ll make pictures of her crying and doing tantrums. Pag malaki na siya ipapakita ko sa kanya kung gaano ninya kami pinahirapan hahaha! (When she grows up, I’ll show her how much trouble she made. )
